My mother always said to never depend on a guy. “Once you expect them to be there is when they are gone.” I can’t blame her, her dad died when she was young, and her siblings were even younger. He did not make the choice, but he left her mom alone and unable to care for their family.
I think her words resonate a little too strongly in my head sometimes. It’s not that I have to do everything myself, but I won’t rely on anyone else. Yes, I’ll work two jobs, I’ll go to school, I’ll do this myself, because what if I put my faith in you and you disappear? I crunch numbers, I save my pennies so that my 5 year plan can include only me, but if it includes you too, hey that’s great.
I’d rather support a husband than trust a husband to support me the rest of my life. I’d rather support a husband who makes minimum wage and loves his job, than be married to a man making six figures who hates his job.
I’ve been stressed lately. When I’m stressed my dreams change. They become confusing, panick-filled situations that lack any coherant progression or time line. I’m at work or at home, and I’m lost. I can’t understand what people are saying. Every day tasks become insurmountable feats. My emotions run wild.
Tonight Cady and I are hosting a post-Halloween costume party. I have a feeling it’s going to be big, it’s too late to cancel, and I want nothing to do with a party right now.